Stay Away

I feel it sinking in again. The despair, the frustration, the helplessness. The lack of motivation to eat or go out with friends. Waking up in the morning is literally the end to a perfect dream, but if that's the case, how come I can't fall asleep at night either? I remember what my goals used to be, but in this state, I aspire to do nothing. There's no going forward, although going backwards would be worse. Even just sitting here it taking it's toll on me. Every second drags on, as if through sludge; smothering the sweetness of the air, the light of the smiles, and the melody of the voice from the world. Turning everyone against me, against my will and theirs; their voices echoeing in a scratchy repeating unison, like a record that keeps skipping, even in the dead silence. And even if I wanted to turn it off, I can't. I know the voices are pleading with me to do good, but it comes out like orders to do bad, to completely lose myself and let everything go. As if there isn't any hope left, because there's not.