Two Oh One - Three Hours, Fifty-Eight Minutes Til The End

Man, life really sucks.

Go On And Play

You use your eyes,
like you're playing a game.

Deceiving and distrating me,
so I don't reach the goal.

But is it even worth it?

Pushing through razorblades,
slicing open wounds again and again.

You're tearing me open,
I hope you know.

You lead me through all this,
acting like I will get some relief,
from this stupid nightmare.

But you're deceptive.

You're telling the truth when you say you're a liar.
So how can I even begin to believe your sickly sweet voice?

But you can lead me along these roads,
where we move along beside your past.
Steel, empty eyes screaming at me to run.

I should know that every path you lead is the same.
Each leading to the same place of heartbreak.

A place darker than your eyes,
Deeper than my thoughts,
Filthier than yours.

But keep dragging me along,
treating me like you saved me from something,
other than yourself.

I need someone to tell me what I am worth,
That you do care about me,
That you will rescue me from this game.

This game where you're the prize and the enemy,
the game where I can never win.

Because I'll always be stuck listening to your poison voice,
and believing every word of it.

I'm Not Falling Down Anymore, I'm Falling Apart

You told me to take it easy,
not be so judgemental,
live life for the fun of it.

You took me by the hand,
put your heart in it,
and told me to squeeze hard.

You held me when I cried,
gave me a couch to crash on,
and told me that it would be okay.

You led me out of the darkness,
laid your head on my chest,
and listened to what my heart said.

You pulled me to the edge,
held my hands tight,
but never gave me the chance to look down.

You controlled me,
thats what you did.

I'd gasp for air,
and you'd shush my words.

I'd reach for your hand,
and you told me to grow up.

I'd beg for your forgiveness,
and you slapped my soul.

I told you I loved you,
and you walked away.

Always Look Back - You Need To Know Where You Came From

Wow.
I thought this was over.
But all the pain, lies, guilt and shame were just on summer vacation.

With school back in, it's all that I am going to think about. The only thing that's going to be on my mind. Which is why I can't even begin to imagine where my life is going.

"What do you now is going to impact the rest of your life."

I can't even manage to dress myself in the morning half the time, and you want me to pick a career?

Well, you can go fuck yourself.

I am
half your age,
know half as much as you,
but have experienced more feelings today than you will in an
entire lifetime.
So don't you dare fucking ask me for some "honest answer from the heart"; because you'll fail me if I do that. I'm going to tell you the bullshit that you have been hearing all your life.

All so I can get a good mark.
All so I don't fail the class.
All so I get into a good school.
All so I don't end up a fuck up.

But it's way too late for that.